A not so Superman

Dear DC:

I think we need to go on a break.

It isn’t because you have consistently put out terrible films (I’m not a Batman fan, so I’m sure those are wonderful for those of you who are, but seriously what was Green Lantern?), or that aside from when Gail Simone was writing Wonder Woman you can’t seem to get that comic line right. In fact I’m glad we don’t have a Wonder Woman movie yet, because if you can’t get Superman right, I don’t want you anywhere near Wonder Woman.

No, we’re going on a break because of the recent film you put out called “Man of Steel.” I’m really thankful you at least did us the courtesy of NOT calling this movie “Superman,” because it sure as heck wasn’t.

Beware, SPOILERS AHEAD!

Before I get all negative, let’s go with what I did like… 3 things:

1. The opening sequence on Krypton was just beautiful/well done/emotionally charged. I loved it so much that I turned to my husband and said “I think I need to make us Jor-El and Lara costumes for Dragon*Con.” Then the rest of the movie happened.

2. At first I was NOT okay with Lois Lane figuring out who Superman was right off the bat. But then I quickly appreciated the fact that Lois was INTELLIGENT and NOT just a damsel in distress in this film. The saving graces of this film (if it could be said that this film had any) were the portrayal of Lois, Faora (the female villain who beat the crap out of Superman), and Lara – all strong women.

3. The only moment I became truly emotional/invested in the film was when Perry White stayed behind to help, then die with Jenny. That moment when they were holding hands and her face held so much fear, so much “please don’t let leave me!” and though he could leave/save his own life, Perry didn’t. He held her hand, and he stayed.

Here’s the thing – I can forgive a lot in a Superman movie.

I can forgive a slow moving film (Man of Steel was booooooring once we left Krypton).

I can forgive terrible dialogue (Zod should just not talk).

I can forgive the fact that his costume was completely changed (yeah yeah, I know it’s what it looks like in the comics now) along with the entire tone of the film to try to make darker/more emo/edgier.

I can forgive all the gratuitous product placement (still not going to IHOP, or getting whatever kind of phone they all had in the film).

I can forgive the fact that Clark Kent, complete with glasses, doesn’t actually show up until the very end of the film.

I can even forgive, though it pains me to do it, having an Air Force Colonel command ground troops against an invading alien force (WHERE WERE THE MARINES?), and then having said Colonel magically able to sign for/be the aircraft commander of/FLY a C-17 (wait… wasn’t he a helicopter pilot earlier? Oh that’s right, I forgot that pilots can fly anything in the movies). I’m trying NOT to let the fact that I’m both a Marine and a pilot get the better of me here (I’ll save that for later).

I’m not a Superman “purist” by any sense of the word – I only dip in and out of the comics (I tend to avoid the actual Superman/Action comics lines & generally to stick to the one shots or complete stories like “Justice” or “Superman: Earth One.”), but I do know a few things. Below are the two “deal breakers” for me.

1- SUPERMAN DOES NOT KILL PEOPLE. EVER.

Everyone thinks kryptonite is Superman’s greatest weakness… but it’s not. It’s his inability to bring himself to kill anyone.

It’s also his greatest strength.

If Superman kills then he is too powerful and there is no reason to even bother telling a story at that point. This is the worst/laziest kind of story telling.

If you take someone who is that powerful and give them the ability to make the decision of who lives & who dies you create a supremely powerful being who can’t be checked by anyone because he sets himself up to be judge, jury, executioner.

What is to stop Superman from killing Lex Luthor the next time he tries one of his schemes that endanger the lives of countless people?

NOTHING. Because now Superman kills people.

But wait, no wait, Superman was just doing whatever it took to protect his chosen people (in this case, humans), right? So that makes it ok, right?

Hang on a minute… who else has used those exact words recently?

Oh that’s right, it’s this guy:

Essentially, Superman becomes Zod.

2- I’m sure many of you will think I’m over-reacting/becoming overly emotional with my next “rant” about the film, and that’s fine, you can think that, but for me the most upsetting part of the film was the final toss off joke.

The scene here Superman and LtGen Swanwick are talking and after Superman flies away, the Captain (who I assume is the General’s aide-de-camp, but doesn’t rate a credit in the film from what I could find) nearly swoons on the spot. When the General asks her if she thinks this is “funny” (or something along those lines), she giggles and says “he’s kinda hot!”

My jaw literally DROPPED at this point.

Did DC really just make a base, misogynistic, joke at the expense of women in the military everywhere?

REALLY DC? IS THAT WHAT YOU DID?

Because what I infer from what you did there is that women in the military are giggly little girls who can’t maintain their professional military bearing around an attractive male.

Gosh, as one of the 6% of women who make up the Marine Corps I wonder I manage to make it through a single DAY without blushing & giggling around the other 94% of my fellow Marines who happen to be male.

It’s a GOOD THING they don’t put me in any of the IMPORTANT JOBS like COMMANDING aircrew and FLYING 85-million dollar aircraft through a COMBAT ZONE, because if I got distracted by my typically all male aircrew I might just lose the ability to lead my Marines right then and there!

Oh wait… I somehow managed to keep ahold of myself and do my job.

Thank you, DC, for showing what you think women in the military really are: a cheap punchline in another one of your terrible movies.

*EDIT* More of my thoughts on Man of Steel here.

So I guess… I guess I’m a Marvel girl now.

But I suppose I have been for a while and just didn’t realize it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And after reading all that, please don’t forget that I’ve got a kickstarter going for Time Traveled Tales, with stories by Aaron Allston, Michael A. Stackpole, Timothy Zahn, Bryan young, many others, and yours truly! http://tinyurl.com/m7w5ox6

Lastly, need a copy of one of my books? As it happens you can buy them here.