A bizarre feeling of sadness and loneliness that I’m kind of enjoying?

I just wrote the climax to book 3 in the War of the Seasons series and I find I am both relieved and extremely sad.

Like I want to cry.

I don’t know if I can fully explain this properly.

A project that I’ve been pouring so much myself emotionally into for years now has reached its climax.

The final scene I’ve imagined, the words spoken by our hero in that very moment… that until now have just been in my head, have been written.

I have a sense of loss… Which I did not expect. I thought I would be excited, and I was, until I wrote it. And then suddenly it was done.

No, the story is not done. I mean I still have a couple chapters of wrap up to do. But this, the epic battle to save everyone and everything…

I suppose I now wonder if this is how Tolkien felt when the ring was finally destroyed. Or Rowling when Voldemort died for good. Or Collins when the Capitol was brought down.

Not that I’m comparing myself with them or their stories, not at all, but I wonder if I’m alone in this, or if they felt this way too?

Lonely, desperately wanting someone to read what they’d written so they could share in this moment with someone, but also fear.

Fear of judgement.

What if it sucks and people hate me for what I’ve done? The characters I’ve killed, or how I’ve wrapped it all up?

Fear of it all ending.

I love this world I created… I… I don’t want it to end. But there is not currently any more story to tell. Maybe in a few years, but for now, this is it. (Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got dozens of short stories running around in my head, so perhaps those will keep coming, but the big epic story line? That’s done, at least for a while in this world).

I just…

I want everyone to read it and yet I want no one to read it.

I hate that I’m alone and sad right now, yet, I kind of want to savor the moment because for right now, for just this little bit of time, this story is mine and no one else’s. Soon it will never be that way again. And I know that makes me sound completely CRAZY. But I definitely wanted to capture what I’m feeling right now, in this moment.

And that’s enough navel gazing/being neurotic for me today. Ignore the crazy, move along…

Back to writing. I’ve got a trilogy to wrap up!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lastly, need a copy of my books? As it happens you can buy them here.